On being called the #f-word

A woman usually has to face what almost all brown and healthy women go through - being reproved for the colour of the skin or the size she is …and being told that she is too tall, too short, too fat or too dark. The #TOO part of every word is bizarre, I feel.

Here in this post, I am sharing few experiences of my friends who went through or are still going through such illogical ideologies of our so called society…

• My friend’s aunt would keep asking her mum to do ‘ubtan’ - a home remedy with home ingredients including chickpea flour, curd etc. to ‘lighten’ my friend's skin tone. A lot of face packs, several parlor sittings, face washes etc and comments were a part and parcel of her growing up years.

 WHY? I don’t get the point that why a girl always has to be white or wheaty? Isn’t she beautiful when dusky or dark? Isn’t she a golden hearted?

• Another friend of mine was asked to eat sprouts for her breakfast, 2 rotis and 1 bowl dal for lunch and salad for dinner. Her father asked her to join a nearby #Gym in the morning and yoga class in the eve. Trust me, she was beautiful the way she was. Her father felt, she was #TOO fat. It was more about how will they find a suitable match for her.

 WHY? Why a man, a #FAT man is always said to be healthy? Why a girl cannot be in her own size? Why can’t she eat whatever she likes to?

• Newly wed, beautiful bride comes to me and whispers, “Will his parents be the same to me years after the marriage?” “It depends on you” I said, alike most of the women. Deep inside my heart, I felt I was wrong.

6 Years of successful marriage, mother of 2, that friend of mine texted … “YOU WERE WRONG”.

And I understood what she was talking about.

She later writes, 

"Expectations grow as you do. Now, being a daughter-in-law people expect me to get up early and serve breakfast prepare #DELICIOUS lunch caz whatever I cook, they don’t find anything delicious in that, take good care of kids caz I am a bad mother, clean my messy room then do whatever I want to. I am a working woman. Can I do this much alone?"

Why? Why only a girl is responsible for the aftereffects of marriage? His parents accept the girl wholeheartedly in front of the society and later on start pointing fingers? Why should a man not help a woman doing chores? Why a daughter-in-law is treated just as daughter-in-law and not as #HumanBeing?

P.S. That #F word is not what you think, it is the word, #Feminist.

A girl, a woman is shamed for being lanky and then later for her curves. Sometimes for her color, and sometimes for the way she talks. Surprisingly, sometimes for her way of living also. Why is she made to feel uncomfortable every time when there is no need at all? Thankfully, over the years, people have broadened their philosophy…

Sorry to say. Only broadened their philosophy, the way they think and speak. NOT THE WAY THEY ACT OR IMPLEMENT.

 The point of sharing all this is simple — there is systemic sexism in the very way girls are being raised. I request all the mothers, raise your daughter AND SON just as a #Humanbeing..

#Men also should look after their physical health.

#Men also should do house hold chores.

#Men also should help kids get ready for school.

#Men also should do what a WOMAN DOES for her family.

I am not being #Feminist. Also, to point these out is not to shame any person, any family. It is necessary that these things are brought up to the surface because, like my friends, I am sure that there are hundreds who do not even realize that these notions are wrong and not even their own.

#ProudToBeAWoman

#Proud to be raised by a strong woman.